Resolutions are for losers.

You know who makes resolutions?  Losers.

That's right.  Losers.  Did you make a resolution?  Loser!

This seems harsh but in reality many of you are going to fail your resolution, and badly, like a loser.  New things are always shiny and awesome.  Then not so much.

Look it's hard to complete a change.  I know it, everyone and everything is going to be against it.

You know how to win?  Stop trying to change.  Do it.  Grit your teeth, push through and do not take no for an answer.  Nothing is going to change unless you make it happen.

So what are you waiting for?  Ohh that's right, January 1st, that's what.  So suddenly on this day you're going to change?  Give me a break.

You're not going to change, you're still going to be what ever the hell it is you are now.

Lets face it, 90% of these resolutions are probably about diet and exercise.  

Are you really going to sit here and tell me you need January 1 to make your goals a reality?  What is holding you back?

You are holding yourself back.  Not me, not the world, not even the holiday smorgasbord of food.  You.  You ate that fudge, you ate that cake, you had to have 9 holiday parties filled with shit foods.  Yeah, shit foods, because they made you look and feel like shit.

Why do I say you're going to fail? It's because you've got no willpower, you don't have the mental fortitude to deal with it.  Sure you're going to start off great, then it's going to start getting hard.  Someone will have a birthday and you'll want cake.  Then you're too busy, so you hit up the Golden Arches.  Before you know it your diet is blown to pieces, your weight has climbed back up and you've got a new gym membership you'll probably keeping paying on for the next few months.

Everyone will turn against you and your goals, you're at the gym too much, gosh why are you eating so healthy, you look fine, come-on live a little.  Without giving a giant middle finger to every inconsiderate self centered whale and guilt projecting tard burgler  you will never make it through this.

Controversy.  That's when you know you're doing something right.  If people are trying to sabotage your goals, don't worry, call them out and then keep going.  Fuel your fire.  I dare you.

Seriously, prove me and everyone else wrong, because as far as I'm concerned, you're a loser and are incapable of doing it.


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Note: this is meant to either make you or break you.  If you personally feel attacked, good, that means I did my job and hopefully you're going to excel.  If this did nothing for you, then you've already failed.

Do not be afraid to ask for help from someone if you need help reaching your goal.  You'll only appear weak if you don't ask and fail as a result.

Play your violin some other day

The alarm clock sounds and Frank is  rolling out of bed.  He goes and cooks breakfast for the family trying not to be too loud so they can sleep in a bit longer.  Pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage and oatmeal for the little one.  A few presents still need to be placed from Santa under the Christmas tree so he brings those in.

It's Christmas morning and time to wake the kids and wife.

Breakfast is done, dishes are clean, wrapping paper has been cleaned off the floor, and the kids are playing with their new toys.  Frank is packing his gym as a family friend stops over to say Merry Christmas and drop off some cookies.  The friends husband asks "Off to the Gym on Christmas?  Can't you take a day off or something?".  Frank just smiles and says "I could" .

Franks Gym is open every day of the week 24 hours a day except for Christmas, the owner feels it's nice to close the gym at least once a year.  So Frank is headed to a buddies garage, they don't have all the fancy equipment they need, but they've got a mastadon bar, a monolift and a couple hundred pounds of chains.  It'll do for some squats.  Frank just hopes the space heater is working today.

Many people who train are just like Frank.  You can substitute the holiday for any other holiday or event throughout the year.  The friends husband can be anyone as well, a friend, a family member, or a co-worker.

For those who train it's not simply an option to just skip days whenever we feel like it.  We're not some pencil necked, popped collar polo shirt wearing, two pounds of gel in our hair, over tanned douche bag, cheat curling the 50 pound dumb bells, Guido.

You wouldn't ask a violinist if they could just "take a day off from practicing" would you?  Those of us that train do it for a reason.  Whether it's the power lifter who has a meet coming up, the body builder needing to add more thickness to his lower lat tie in, the oly lifter who needs to strengthen his catch position of the snatch or just the better than average joe who is trying to beat his personal demons and make himself even better.

Yes days off are going to happen, yes sometimes we over obsess about making a training session, but you know what?  We don't stress about catching that episode of America Idol either.

This is a way of life for many people, we look to get in a session whenever  we can, early morning, late night, mid afternoon, what ever will work.  Now if you don't mind I have a family Christmas gathering this afternoon and I need to go get to the gym so I can keep my week some what on track with my training.

Kiss My Candied Yam

It's the holiday's.

For those of us whom are not Jews, it's only 2-3 days of actual holidays.  Though we'll probably drag it out into 6 weeks of Candied Yams that aren't really yams but I digress, fudge brownies triple dipped in sugar crack, fruit cake that's so dense you could use it to power an Alcubierre Drive if you converted it to energy, and what ever other scrumptious delicacy we can  muster into our ever growing gullets.

Here's how we can fight the 6 weeks without becoming a shut in and still save our diets.

For the normies, those who do not partake in my passion for training nads out until we're nothing but a pile of gelatinous goo, this bit is for you.

So you've made it through thanksgiving and are now up 4 pounds.  After all miracle whip and turkey sandwiches go so well together.  Your office will probably be filled with everyone's "holiday cheer" aka toilet fodder.  What can you do to not end up 10 pounds heavier this winter?

Cut out your daily starbucks.  If you need caffeine drink Coffee.  It comes in a can labeled Folgers, and it's black just the way I like my metal.  This will cut out a metric crap ton of calories alone.

If someone offers you a cookie- I know you're going to eat it, you know it, don't stress your willpower too much, save it for something like showing up to work - don't eat it then, save it for your next meal THEN eat it.  This will help reduce binge eating.

Control the food you can, get up in the morning and cook a solid breakfast of protein and fats.  It wouldn't hurt to get some fiber in here.  Might I suggest weight control fiber tablets.  Protein, fat and fiber will help keep you full and somewhat resistant until at least 3pm when your blood sugar crashes from either lack of lunch or that crap you just got at McDonalds ( make your lunch fool!! ).

Get on a treadmill every few days, crank the incline up as high as it goes, but for the love of that sweet porcelain baby Jesus figure, don't hold the hand rails, it defeats the purpose.  30 minutes of good solid cardio is what your thighs need.

Back to the hardies -- no not Hardees.  Calm Down.

Use some of this extra holiday meal time to fuel some intense volumized workouts.

Don't carb backload during this time of year.  You're just asking for trouble.

Extra prowler sessions, skip the handles, press into the posts and get to going for distance.  Squeeze your glutes and quads the whole way for extra boom.

Squat twice a week.  1) it's always a good idea 2) it'll help turn that glowing rudolph pastry into something useful

Since you're no stranger to forcing yourself to do things you don't want to, have a carb day once a week. Keep your carbs lower during the other days.  Yes this is technically a cheat meal, but if you're going to do it, have some purpose.

For everyone, don't STRESS enjoy the holidays, indulge a bit, just don't get carried away.  If you do go nuts, tighten up your diet for a few days, curb the damage as best you can.

The holiday's aren't about getting fat, they should be about having fun.  You still don't get to eat french fries though, that's not holiday food.